Tuesday, November 29, 2005
sometimes...




this picture is from postsecret.


On 6:30 PM, Victor let go.
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Sunday, November 27, 2005
Q and A

the question that i could never answer would be...' what defines me?'
my future is blurry because of the fact that i haven't found my true identity.

[exposed]
*i am a sucker for acceptance.
i often hang out with the popular crowd so that i would fit 'in' , 'be cool' and feel accepted by these people.

...then again, i thirst for more than what they provoke in me.
*thats the reason why i do not belong to any clique.

to escape the reality that i am surrounded by superficial people, i find friends with deeper thoughts and depth.

so... what defines me?
a freakin hypocrite who is caught between the best of both world.


On 7:35 PM, Victor let go.
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Friday, November 25, 2005
e m o

"My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen"


just realized how much i might miss the people in the Australian Matriculation Programme when i'm home. well, today i had to say goodbye to one of the sweetest,nicest and closest friend to me in AusMat. Giving her 1 last hug was quite "dispiriting". bah! this is friggin' EMO!

anyways... i was fortunate enough meeting and getting to know few really encouraging, friendly and genuine girls in AusMat. If there ever was a good time to dedicate them a song... to express my appreciation for their friendship, i would dedicate 'your song' by elton john to them.



On 1:00 AM, Victor let go.
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Thursday, November 24, 2005
adventures of Vic and Pit (ketiak)

[situation]
my brother (kenneth aka ketiak), my cousin jean and I was planning to catch a concert in Zouk. The band was an Australian Pop group (Architecture in Helsinki)... I was really excited to finally get the exprience of catching a live gig. On our way to KL, we got lost a few times but finally found our way to Zouk in the end. When my brother found the perfect spot... the door of the car in front of us suddenly opened and banged my car's front light(left) and continued scratching the whole body part of the car (left side).

[thoughts]
oh... come...oN!!!! why us? why today? what ... the .. fuck!
that car got into a couple of accident and was repaired more than once already...shit... as if the car is not damaged enough!
damn it... i will never get the chance to drive this car.
this would mean more money wasted!!! on repairing and maybe more (to settle)


so yea. we got out from our car and checked on the other person's car. (it was a she). Her car door couldn't even close because of the impact. My assumption would be she swung the car door open without checking (i don't blame her... that simple job can only be achieved if her brain was working). She called her friends ... 5 or 6 people came and we negotiated. My father's advice was to settle on the spot. My uncle thought otherwise.

[the negotiation]
bro : so how? how to settle?you may want to take a look at my car . it is damaged badly too...
friend 1 : nothing to do with your car... if you want to blame her or decide who is in the wrong... we would need to report this to the police.
bro : so how?
friend 1: if settle here, we will give you the bill for my friend's car damage after we send it to the workshop. That way, you do not need to go through the hassle of paperwork (insurance and summons/ fines). If we report this to the police station. Its 100% your fault because you were the one who banged my friend's car
bro : (after giving it some thoughts) i think i rather going to the police station.

so we went to the police station.
even if its my brother's fault... we wouldn't let them free of the hassle. they had to follow us through out the fucking complicated procedures.

[the end result]
They were guilty. damn them locals... always taking advantage of us; small town people. My brother's car damage was to be covered by Their Insurance.

[updated thoughts]

Fuck. missed the gig. Luckily! We won! not our fault! yay... hehe.
God sure does work in mysterious ways. Me and my brother sure had lots of adventures together this year. First, i had to rushed him to the clinic because of his accident of almost chopping his thumb off... Now this. Wonder what other adventure i'll be having with him in the future. hehe.

by the way... I am okay.
it was my first time going to a police station.
My- first- of experiencing a live gig didn't go as planned though.


On 1:55 AM, Victor let go.
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Wednesday, November 23, 2005
boy! it was a fun year.

tonight was Australian Matricultation Awards Night.
it was really awsome seeing those student receive the awards that they deserved.
actually, this night was the last night of AUSMAT (sort off... most of us won't see each other after tonight)
pretty emotional towards the end.
everyone was hugging and wishing their pals the best in the future.
what a year it has been... wonderful.
God has blessed me in so many ways! good lecuturers, good friends, good health (not one visit to the clinic the whole year -3 years in a row-), family being by my side and the whole AusMat experience.












On 3:40 AM, Victor let go.
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Tuesday, November 22, 2005
cry of joy!

its all over!!!
that was the only thing on my mind when i raised up both of my hands with a silence voice saying "yes!" after my accounts paper was collected.

the paper was a tough one. 3 hours to complete 9 questions.
i had some difficulty while sitting for that last paper.
i was worried for not having enough time to complete every questions...
i started sweating...
my hand started shaking...
then my stomach suddenly crammed.
it was a miracle that i completed every questions in the paper eventhough i crap through my way for many teory questions.

but who gives a rat about my conditions when the end was near and freedom was on the line!

the end of TEE. "The Exciting Exams" - Sue Lin


On 1:17 AM, Victor let go.
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Monday, November 21, 2005
one more.

alot is going through my mind as my last paper; accounts is less than 8 hours away.
this paper might be the determinant for whether i enter Monash or not.

i am confident.
reason:
~i revised even before exam started (not the last minute type of revision).
~i entered an account seminar with the author of my text books being the speaker.
~accounts is my favourite subject in AusMat and my secondary school dayz.


i am nervous too
reason: ~my topical tests results range from 100% to 30%. so yea, not consistent at all.
~expectations are high.

oh well, at least there is something to be excited about...
its over soon!!! and...
tomorrow i'll be having a blast in AusMat awards night. haven't decided what to do after that though. its gonna be awsome!


On 7:30 AM, Victor let go.
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Sunday, November 20, 2005
all good things must come to an end













Roy Keane; The most belligerent, combative and inspirational midfield player of his generation has parted ways with the club he marshalled through its most successful period.

For Manchester United supporters, Keane was their ambassador on the pitch, the player who most embodied their spirit and passion - the leader who never let them down. For others, as a result of his uncompromising personality and style of play, Keane was a figure of fear, even of hate.

Throughout his career Keane and controversy were never far apart, be it for diatribes aimed at colleagues, managers, officials, the media and fans, or for on-pitch confrontations that bordered on assault, Keane never gave an inch and accepted his punishment when it was meted out.

Perhaps he should have hung up his boots a few seasons ago, gone out on top, with a trophy under his arm. Instead Keane's final game for United ended with him limping off injured; an inauspicious end to a distinguished career. (soccernet.com)

[self]
He was released because he critised some of the players for not being good enough for the squad. As a captain, he should motivate, inspire and build the young team into a stronger squad. Sir Alex Ferguson did the right thing as he did not need this(critismn/ disunity) in the locker room.

such a sad news, the midfield of the dream team of 1999 had left with Scholes and Giggs.

Ruud is the new captain~
alan smith and rooney are the future~
i don't think it'll be a bright one. :(


On 9:15 PM, Victor let go.
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Friday, November 18, 2005
damn it

its one thing to show up in a birthday party with the party being elsewhere without any friends informing me.

its another thing to have a a close friend having a birthday celebrated among my closest peeps with no one informing me about the celebration at all.
( it's my friend. of course i know about the birthday/but not the celebration)

i won't let myself think too much about my friendship with those people.
i won't let myself think that i no longer am accepted by them.
i won't let myself think that i am not appreciated by them.
i guess it would be very childish or ME to think that way.
its time to change my way of thinking. ITS ABOUT TIME.

honestly. its because this friend of mine is really close to me. i do not wish to think too much.
as long she had a blast on her birthday celebration. i am happy and there is nothing really to be sad / moody about. that's what i call true friendship. hehe.


On 11:48 AM, Victor let go.
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life is simple

i am feeling BLESSED and MOTIVATED in a way.
today was my college's CF last meeting of the semester.

got to hear some of outgoing commitees sharing their testimonies.
first off, i am inspired by their hard work while serving in cf.
next, i feel motivated that i should make a difference in my campus.. since all the leaders that played a big roll in the past few years is going to leave CF next year.

i am feeling as though its time for me to step out from my comfort zone...
so often i complain aboutnot having the opportunities to serve Him... when i don't even show the interest or passion. We'll see how things goes...

After cf, i chilled with Andrew.
chilling with Andrew is like singing in the shower.
~ I can be as loud as i like, as disgusting as i want, be emotional as i would, be sad or happy if i feel like it ~whenever i am around him.

we watched Harry Potter -Goblet of Fire
the show was amazing. i am not giving any spoilers. (wouldn't want to spoil the fun)
big fans... u are welcome. haha.
Emma Watson ... i preffer other girls in the movie. (not only the new asian cutie)... wahahaha!
i love the new director.

its 3 am. i am dead tired. cheers!~


On 3:00 AM, Victor let go.
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
home

all of a sudden... i don't feel like going home


On 9:50 PM, Victor let go.
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
3 down!

so glad i went to college and didn't act as cool as i would normall do - especially during exams.
used to have this stubborness to bring a pencil case and nothing else to school during exams.

today, i went to sit with a bunch of college people//
yep. those students whom gets really intensed and stressed out during times like these...
got a lot of useful additional reading material... guess what?
that few minutes of hardwork paid off... a few essay question in the econs paper were quite similar to those reading materials!

last minute studying does help!... hehe.

oh yea. tomorrow i'll be having another paper - Information System.
so ridiculous! who in their flippin' mind would put 2 papers back to back in the exam schedule!?!
this sucks ... big time~


On 3:40 PM, Victor let go.
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Monday, November 14, 2005
[self]- Exams and passions

feeling the monday blues and more.

exams started. i got 3 more papers to go. - all my scoring subjects-
pressure is definitely oN!

My passions? i don't really have one...do i?

if someone had a passion for chocolate, people around them will know about it.
its their passion! it should be obvious!
*my mom is passionate about travelling overseas~
thats all she ever talks about ...
*my dad is used to be passionate about gardening ~
back in the days when he had time to spare, he planted flowers and trees in my garden

what about us youth?aren't we the ones who have a passion for His name. a passion to see breakthrough in today's youth, a passion to worship.
i think its time we show the world our passion!

*our praise goes up- the walls comes down!*


On 6:45 PM, Victor let go.
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Sunday, November 13, 2005
[self]

currently watching: planetshakers' evermore DVD.

note: must watch! speaker #4 ; Chris Hill
He is the most forceful, energetic and aggresive speaker i had ever seen. Chris Hill will be the speaker for this year's Huge Camp... DARN! i can't go... it clashes with my trip to BeiJing. So i decided to sign up for another youth camp instead.

better than ending up doing perkara sumbang during my holidays. ahahaha!!!


currently listening to : Marvine Gaye's " Sexual Healing"

mumbling~ Baby I got sick this morning
A sea was storming inside of me
Baby I think I'm capsizing
The waves are rising and rising
And when I get that feeling
I want Sexual Healing
Sexual Healing is good for me
Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush
Helps to relieve the mind, and it's good for us
Sexual Healing, baby, is good for me
Sexual Healing is something that's good for me...

ooh lala. haha... the song is so sexy. lovin' it!


also currently listening to explosions in the sky/ (instrumental band that plays brilliant music)

okok.. time to be serious!
currently studying: past year papers for information system and writing essays for economics.

gonna watch oprah now. time to get in touch with myself. woahahaha!


On 8:00 PM, Victor let go.
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Saturday, November 12, 2005
[self]- planet shakers

This event was one of the biggest thing i had ever experienced.

mix feelings are arising because none of my close college friends went.
[ i expected more out of them - but their mood influenced their decision to be a part of this event]

on the other hand, my best friend in Tawau went to KK just for the 3 days conference.
i have always stood by him and tolerate all his crap . honestly, i never thought he would actually change for the better. But God bless him, he is becoming such a great young dude for God.

i have vowed to break free from the devil's lies...
i will stand up for my nation.
that means bringing more lives to Christ. i have many non christian friends...
i am sick of some of the worldly things that they do and how it is affecting their lives.
its time to shake their planets!!!


On 1:15 AM, Victor let go.
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Friday, November 11, 2005
Planet Shakers

planet shakers was in town yesterday. the night concert was just awsome.
i regret for not calling more people to experience this event.
i went with a expecting heart. and i got more than what i could contain. haha!
the experience of seeing 4000 children of God jumping with joy and crying for the same reason
"PRICELESS!"

the highlight of the night was definitely the guess speaker - Reggie Dabbs from USA.
-i was in the same lift with him on my way up to pyramid's convention centre and i didn't even realize it was him... darn!- haha.

He's Big. He's Black. the convention centre went Chocolate last night.
you have the crowd shouting "come on!", "preach it", and "Yeaaah!"...
my dream of attending a 'black' church came close! haha...
he was all hip hop and...brought down the roof!!

i am more excited about tomorrow's night concert.
it would be planetshakers' last night performing..
i think more than 6000 people will show up.

[self]
i think He is the only way to true satisfaction and Joy in a person's life.

i just invited a friend to this concert and guess what? she rather have a girl's night out.
she was asking about 'planet shakers' 2 days ago... and now she is telling me that she ain't into this stuff no more. the night life is more for her.

[planetshakers chant]
malaysia...malaysia...
malaysia's on fire...
we don't need the devil
coz the devil is a liar!


On 12:30 AM, Victor let go.
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Wednesday, November 09, 2005
[self]

had a good night sleep.
heading to my study room now.
just came across a really funny clip in the internet.
its shallow and crude. not swearing.
and it reminds me of myself! hah!~
here's the clip showing a fat kid selling beer on the street.
(if only i had his sense of humour when i was younger... haha)


On 9:45 AM, Victor let go.
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[self] feeling shitty

i want a new watch. (my mom has broke her promise for getting me a new one -its been a year)

i want a new sneakers. (so far, most of my shoes are cheap crap)

i want a new specs (its been a year since i've checked my eyes and i'm getting bored with this one)

i want a new church.
(i know this sounds stupid. but i feel lonely in Glad Tidings.)

it hurts me to think that i have no 'true' church friends. there is not1 person i can think of from my church that could attend events with me, to hang out or help out each other ( ordinary human problems). not 1! how pathetic is that?!considering i am in glad tidings for more than 9 months now.

then again, my brother asked me not to be a pussy!
i felt God's peace with my decision in the beginning. i am going to stick with that. just have to overcome this phase. thats all.


On 12:14 AM, Victor let go.
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Tuesday, November 08, 2005
[self] rock and hip hop

what happened to Metallica when they stepped out from the underground scene and went mainstream to become the rock legends that they are today?

their faithful and loyal fans spat at them. furious that they -Sold Out-

some people are 'over protective' of their favourite bands (underground/ not famous yet)...
the bands they fell in love with are supposed to be ' their ' bands,
no one should know about these bands (besides the underground scene in the music world).

its abit different from the 'hip hop' world where underground hip hop artists can be found/ heard through mixtape compilations . Hence get their big break if a producer is impressed.

i think we (hip hop fans) wants more of these underground artists to imerge.
the hip hop scene this year is boring and its as if its the " thug wannabe' era~.

nelly- one of my favourite rapper with unbeatable club hitz and has an aggresive flow like no other. his latest single - one of the more suithing and mellow songs from his album was playing on the radio last night.

it actually made me sick! because it was such a rip off of Bone Thugs n Harmony's style of music.
if anyone cares/ interested. here's a comparison... (download)/ well, its still rap... but every artists should stick with what makes them stand out and unique.
nelly's fly away vs bone thug's change the world

i get really annoyed when artists are not given the credits they deserve.


On 11:15 AM, Victor let go.
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Monday, November 07, 2005
1 down.

chelsea finally lost.
its only their 2nd lost in the premiership under Jose Mourinho.
~ what goes up, must come down~.

so today was THE DAY.
my preparation might have been different from others...
( having enough sleep and minimizing the revision)
but it certainly did its job; which was to reduce the stress for me.
whenever i take out a book/ notes before an exam, i will feel a rush of blood to my head.
-now thats stress! thinking of the exam hall... the paper.. and what not.

applics is finally over!!!
phiew~ now i can focus on the other subjects that i could actually score.

better start preparing now.

p/s. how was applics?question not answered/ mentioned for a good reason. hahaha.
[thoughts: i think i did ok] ahem ahem.


On 3:30 PM, Victor let go.
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Saturday, November 05, 2005
[self] - about a girl

you are the one.
i want you.
i need you.

i did everything i could to forget you.
i made new friends ; hoping that i might find someone like you.
i tried giving in; hoping i would have feelings for another

i failed...
nothing compares to you.
i don't know what to do.
it is not my place to win you ; win your heart
when you are already taken.
i am suppose to respect you and be happy for you.

meeting you again brings me such joy.
it reminded me how lucky i am to have you even if it is as a friend.
but saying goodbye to you in the end of the day just made me realized...
after today, i am going back to my "here without you" life.
not the best feeling a person could wish for; painful to be honest.

i feel guilty for comparing my friends to you.
you are near perfect ; comparing them with you would just make them look worst.


On 11:20 PM, Victor let go.
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Friday, November 04, 2005
Unity My Arse!

2nd day of raya.
How proud I am to be a malysian citizen. With different races respecting each other and living together in harmony.

Rubbish! advertisements that shows 'this' culture most probably got into my head. Because in the real world, Peace is merely an illusion, a belief and too often overrated.

I am not sure whether it is a racismn issue or not.
For me, I have no problems hanging out with people with diffrent races and backgrounds.

this morning, i woke up really early to have a head start revising in college.
pleasantly surprised that the bus have not left when i got down,
apparently the bus driver (chinese) was waiting for more passengers to enter the bus and only then he'll leave.

i was in the bus for about 2 minutes, and i saw 2 young adults (Malay) saying their good byes to their father . Touching moment ain't it?

the chinese bus driver then decides to leave the bus stop;
here comes a taxi driver(Indian) - not too happy asking the bus driver take the day off because he had to earn a living. (2nd day of raya~ not much customer... and the bus had taken all the taxi driver's customers)

The bus driver starter yelling " Apa Lu Mahu?!", "Kau ingat kamu bawa teksi sangat action ah!?" " Pukimak!" "Chao Chi Bai" .. oh yea and "BABI!"

i was so ashamed. to be a bloody chinese at that very moment. from the resonse of that indian taxi driver , it was as if there is nothing he can do/say to change that bloody bus driver.

we(chinese) can insult other races in so many ways. In malaysia, chinese always gets the bigger bite in the 'apple'. not much other races here can do to really insult us. what can they say about us?(not that we are perfect) . But fuck. this does not give us the right to insult others/ patronize them and insult them.

so yea (shaking head) ... enjoy the festives seasons!


On 2:00 PM, Victor let go.
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Thursday, November 03, 2005
insanity

7th is my first final exam paper.
just spent a lot of time in editing the blog template.

7th is less than 4 days away. I am not panicking in any way.
thats why. It's INSANE!

the 2nd paper is a week after... so my bloody mentality is taking it easy first and I will be killing myself doing last minute study a few days before the paper itself.

I pray every time before i study. Mainly for focus and minimum distractions. At least i know i am actually revising. Its just that i am killing myself from the start. hehe.

feeling abit guilty because i asked my mom to visit this few weeks. She is sweet to offer 'home cook food' during the exam period. But i need her room to revise. So... i think she would understand. haha.

darn, will update when i am free. cheers!


On 9:30 PM, Victor let go.
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Tuesday, November 01, 2005
[self]

oh yea. Australian Matriculation has ended (unofficially) last week.
so a week break for us and its the finals.

i am actually enjoying this short break even though i am suppose to cram everything i've learned this year.
oh well, at least i go to college every day just to escape the disctractions i have at home even it is for just a few hours of revising.

weekend was fun, Guy Sebastian and his team from Paradise Community Church Australia had a concert in Glad Tidings PJ on Sunday- what a blast it was.
...So happy to see so many souls touched and saved that night.


On 1:27 AM, Victor let go.
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