Saturday, April 29, 2006
well deserved break

Friday, April 28, 2006
self

this year, i missed the opportunity to join my Christian Fellowship camp.

i didn't sign up - knowing i will surely regret. yet, i couldn't make that decision.

i have made an important decision early of this year, which was to take CF seriously.
i was ready to take that step of faith to serve. and that opportunity eventually came.
... i was made head usher.

everyweek, i get to greet newcomers and welcome other members back to CF.
and before CF ends, i have to make a move to go for cell.
this limited my chance of really getting to know the students in CF.
i rarely get to socialize with them and now...

i don't feel like i belong. coz the new crowd (new people i greeted for those 2 months) is HUGE.
and i don't know their names neither they know i exist.

so yeah... my reasons for not joining camp is ridiculous. 'cause i don't fit in'...
if i join camp... my reasons for joining camp is ridiculous as well. ' to socialize with them'...
intentions and purpose are wrong.
I just think that having a heavy heart like mine, it's not easy to make a decision like this.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006
new hair cut

[situation]
was at the saloon getting my haircut.

barber : woah, you hair very straight ah. you straightened?
me : hehe... really? no...i did not straightened it.

later... ( haircut in progress)

barber : i have no idea how to cut your hair.

(thoughts)errr.. Mr Barber, you trying to be farny ah?! like 'WTH 'man!
me : i also don't know lar. what do you think? should spike or not?

barber : aiya...
(thoughts) Comeee Onnnn!
barber : ... hmm. cut abit can? see how it looks lor.
me : yeah lar. can also.

but yeah. what do you do in these flippin' situation?
anyways, my hair look great.
and i just had a well earned 'me time' this evening!

Sunday, April 23, 2006
SweeeEEt!

some girl i barely knew gave me a kiss on the cheek last night.
it was sudden. quick and sweet.
i was half stunned while blushing at the same time (an expression i ain't used to)


i know it's no biggie.
but for me. things like this rarely come.
guess it was my lucky day.

Saturday, April 22, 2006
self

am i a dude who can't have what he wants?
or the dude who wants what he can't have.

sure hope i'm not that loser. neither the guy who let challenges ruin his life.


i get just what i want at times.
sometimes more than i expected or could ever hope for.
but often i feel like i haven't done anything to deserve such 'blessings'.

i don't think it has got anything to do with me having a low-self esteem.
.. definitely not that...
hmm... i guess some questions should be left unanswered..

Friday, April 21, 2006
self

i am an idiot...
had to redo part of my 'collateral contract' assignment because of my own negligence.

finish typing the whole assignment around 2 am last night.
i really thought that it was all set and done. finally a second to release the burden of wanting (not due) to finish an assignment on the next day.

couldn't do my final/ last minute changes to my assignment as the file couldn't be found in my pen drive.

after that, things just got worst.

i went home and realized that the file could not be found anywhere in my computer either.

i panicked abit. frustration just burst out of me.
was so pissed.
especially at myself. for being the biggest retard ever.

angry because all my effort went down the drain ...
and yes, i have to bloody redo it.
that's like having a fist punch right to the crouch.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006
i'm back

Ohhh yeah...
i'm back!

a dude actually asked me " why you keep smiling? " this morning.

and i answered... " life has been good lately"

but yeah... the smileS ended today. took 1 incident to make me realize i was still in this screwed up world.

i've been really stressed out about my 'business law' assignment. it's due in 3 days and i'm working my ass off for that.

this bugger (from Tawau) comes telling me about how his girlfriend wants to break up with him...

-thoughts-
ow. COME... ON!!! i save their relationship more than once... and it's only because i know his girlfriend. I don't give a rat ass about that childish, manipulative and selfish shit head.

and now he's come running to me and bitching about his relationship problem?!
i just can't take it. i can't. i am a dude... with a freakin' life! he expects me to call his girl friend and try to persuade her taking him back?

what is wrong with these people! Damn it!~ bloody tawau kids!
now i start to wonder...how is it possible that a form 4 dude come lookin for me for help. of all people!

yess. my true color shines all so brightly again... don't you just miss it?
its black. it is now... it will always be.

Saturday, April 15, 2006
Easter

ahhh... Easter.
attended 'easter service' last night.
it was really 'happenin'...
the crowd was large, the worship was loud, the speaker was sharp...
but most importantly, there were many Salvations.

anyways, this sunday means another thing for me.
it's the last day of my 'mid semester' break.
yep, this week was actually a holiday for me...
but i had to go back to college 5/7 days to stay 'productive'. and not Rot at home.

today i'll just bum at home. chill a lil' while preparing myself for a hectic week ahead of me.

happy easter people~! (reminds me of a song)
'He is risen... He is risen...
come on and celebrate...
the resurrection for the Lord'

Celebrate Jesus for He lives!

Thursday, April 13, 2006
self

singing in the Raaiiiinn... i'm singing in the raaiinn...
...
...
motherFu...
come on!!! 11 floors up and yet.../ still, the lift ain't working.

[situation]
after a wonderful day spent with some friends.
just when i was on my way home... as i was about to wait for the lift.
i realized that i had to walk up. dang~
then again, no sweat...
nothing was gonna ruin my lovely afternoon =)

anyways, tomorrow is Good Friday.
it shall be a special day. well, maybe only at night.
since i'll be spending my morning in college trying to rush my assignments.

never really rant about my work and my 'not too happenin' university life.
but then again, there's a reason for that...
simply because i rather not talk about it. haha~!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006
weekend in penang

it was a weekend i'd rather be left alone...
a time when i said 'fuck it'... why bother?!
a the same time, prepared to wear a mask to go through whatever lies ahead of me.

{smiling...} being fake actually paid off. i took that cab to college and drag myself to Penang.
and i have no regrets. It's been the best weekend ever!

but who am i kiddin to say everything went perfect.

i was placed in a different bus from most of my friends.
that meant, i was on a 5 hours journey with potential new friends (a.k.a strangers)

when i sign up for this trip... there was only 1 thing on my mind.

it wasn't about the food. (maybe it was... but nvm)
it wasn't about the babes (trust me, penang gals are such turn offs) no offence... but gosh..
anyways...
it wasn't even about the Penang

it was about the new people i'll be able to meet and friends that i'll get to know better.
and yes yes!~ i got what i wanted.

some pics of the trip.












gosh. wished that beautiful weekend would never past.
life goes on i suppose.

Sunday, April 09, 2006
moments

interesting...
how a smile can change one's mood.
how a simple message can change one's day.
how one hug is enough to comfort someone.

with my recent ' cynical and bitter ' attitude,
nothing seemed to be going my way...
until my trip to penang with Victoria University.
one of the best thing that happened to me this year.

i received much love and care.



accepted and being appreciated,
the smiles and laughters, the bonding sessions, even the silent moment...
are moments to be cherished.

Thursday, April 06, 2006
self

bitterness.

do you guys really need me?

i mean... that is the ultimate question ain't it?...
if i am no use to you... what's the point eh?

i'm a great company to have...
i'm a good listener...
i'm like no other...


but ...
nope, it won't do you any good if you're expecting me to do more than that.

helping you get better grades in class,
having important connections that could be beneficial to your future,
being cool and happening,

think again.


funny. how...
i don't like being used.
but i feel useless when my friends starts using other 'friends'.


when someone put so much effort and sacrificed so much time just to spend quality time with his/ her friend but do not get the same 'doings' in return...
is it so wrong to feel hurt by petty things as such?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006
V

just watched V for Vendetta with some friends this evening.

great movie...
great company...
just what i needed after the brainstorming i did for my past assignment.

anyways... the movie was great...
in so many ways.

the script was brilliant,
the effects were amazing,
and Holy crap!... Antony and the johnsons was featured in the movie.
(their last dance before the V revolution)
how freakin' awesome is that?!

Monday, April 03, 2006
self

it's 2.50am at the moment... i'm trying to finish up some assignment task.

even at this time, i thought of just giving thanks to the Lord.
Last Saturday was 'friend's weekend' in City Harvest Church...
i brought along 2 college friends of mine there
(1 a believer, another a non believer)

by the end of that service... surprise surprise
my friend got up during the altar call and accepted Jesus Christ.

awesome feeling to see another soul being saved...
oh.. this was my first time bringing another life to Christ.
So i'm definitely syked about this.