Wednesday, November 26, 2008
migrate

everything will be exported to

http://victorishthoughts.wordpress.com
including posts from my first blog

Monday, November 17, 2008
Instead of a show (by Jon Foreman of Switchfoot)

I hate all your show and pretense
The hypocrisy of your praise
The hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show
Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stomp on my ears when you're singing 'em
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show

Your eyes are closed when you're praying
You sing right along with the band
You shine up your shoes for services
There's blood on your hands
You turned your back on the homeless
And the ones that don't fit in your plan
Quit playing religion games
There's blood on your hands

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
I hate all your show

Let's argue this out
If your sins are blood red
Let's argue this out
You'll be one of the clouds
Let's argue this out
Quit fooling around
Give love to the ones who can't love at all
Give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
Stand up for the ones who can't stand at all, all
I hate all your show
I hate all your show
I hate all your show
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
I hate all your show.

Self:
exams are over, been busy doing holidays. came back from Langkawi, had a blast during Bob's 21st birthday house-party. will be leaving to S'pore for Asia Conference tomorrow.
currently listening to Jon Foreman, William Fitzsimmons, Priscilla Ahn, Joshua James (Jean's pick) and Laura Jensen. ow yea, Chinese Democracy by Guns n Roses is finally out!

Sunday, October 05, 2008
my father

a man who i feared, strict with discipline; borderline abusive.
a man with few words; harsh and straight to the point.

the man who gave me my identity as the "accident kid" in my family.
the man who told me to my face that i wasn't good enough.
the man who never once affirmed me and said he was proud of me.

my father and i, a relationship i never knew had affected my whole life...till 2 nights ago,
when Pastor Mike Connel ministered to me during my church leaders' retreat.

memories and flash backs of my father threatening my life when i disrespected my parents appeared while i was filled with the holy spirit.
memories of Him expecting the least from me, speaking discouragements and mocking me of my studies and my future in the dining room reminded me of how i have became immune to his nasty comments.

i wasn't alone. my brother's identity was the weird kid with no friends just because he read too much. he was compared to a wild boar being the tougher son while i was the farm pig.

i realized that all these years, i've been trying to honor my father by being obedient and staying positive in all the situation i had experienced. it had affected me and caused me to harbor hate and bitterness when i never knew it had ever existed.

for me, it's not the words he had spoken to my life. it is the words which was never spoken to my life affecting me more. its a hole in my spirit only God can fill. i decided just the other night to let go and let God; forgiving my father and knowing i would never do the same to my child when i become a father.

Friday, September 26, 2008
self

i might be in love.
but then again, it might just be an idea,
a bloody good idea of being in love and having someone to love.

Sunday, September 21, 2008
self

Deepy: ow Man! i only got 7!
Me: huh, what?
VIvek: Treasury Management test result is out! outside Lecturer's room. I got 8 only...
Me: ow, out of 15? i hope i get more than 10, i have a good feeling about this test. i'm certain of it.

Outside Lecturer's office,
i was looking for my student id number among everyone's result in the database spreadsheet.
i found my student id, then i saw 6! this ... i wasn't prepared for. sigh
this is not new either. this sucks.

being 21

its my 21st birthday just yesterday.
an eventful day indeed.
it wouldn't be fitting for me to describe how it feels like being 21 at this moment of time as i havent really experience the difference yet.

what i can say though, is...
i had a minor accident on my way to church yesterday.
yep, thats right. a flippin accident on my birthday. i'm not gonna spare the details as this has burdened me and i shall not make you guys too worried about me.
so to keep things simple, the accident involved me, a female motorcyclist, kids in my car, a huge bang, a post-accident X ray check up, a possible police report, and the actual Settlement of the whole drama which has yet to happen.

so yah. Happy Effin Birthday to Me. cheers.

Thursday, September 18, 2008
self

its a thursday again. just like any other. i find myself in my own space, something i've forgotten to enjoy recently.

my final exams will start at the end of Oct.
for the first time in my life, i actually fear failing.
non of that dare to fail attitude no more.

i plan to work- something i have neglected the past few years- before i graduate next mid-year.
an internship that would keep me occupied till march 09'.
However, big firms have this minimum requirement of 2nd upper results to have you in for an interview or to be accepted into their internship programs.

2nd upper is equivalent to an approximation of an average results of Distinction. mine barely touches average credit. i have less than a year to compensate for my past failures.

on a lighter note, i'm turning 21 in 2 days. no biggie. done all that it is to do when you turn 21 already...almost
:)

Thursday, September 11, 2008
show some love 2

i wrote a post on a certain Bangladeshi girl in my uni about a year ago.
her performance blew me away...so did her smile.

one year later, she still performs in my university- occasionally when there's events.
I've revealed myself to her being one of her biggest fans, she was flattered- i blushed.
and bam, we're friends now...though i doubt she knows my name. haha..
but yea, the smile i get when i walk pass her makes the world seem like a better place. jokes.

her name's Palki. her version of cranberries' animal instinct remixed with her Bangladeshi song still melts my heart. i wished i had a video of that performance. however, what i do have is a picture taken with her at my uni's recent ball :)